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International Star Registry: “Happy Valentine’s Day!… I’m an Idiot.”
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There’s no better way to say “I Love You” and “I’m An Idiot” at the same time, than to register a star in your loved one’s name. It is what they call “killing two birds with one stone”. There can be nothing sexier than those three little words alongside blatant self-deprecation.
International Star Registry sells their cheapest star naming package for $54.00. This includes a certificate, a sky chart, a booklet on astronomy, and a letter of congratulations. So what are you actually paying for? Everything here costs less than five bucks. It’s unbelievable to me that someone can actually sell this. It’s a great idea, because it’s not like oil, you’ll never run out of stars. Even if you did, no one will ever know that they share a star with 18 other “lucky individuals”.
This is funny. It’s funny because they send you a letter of congratulations. Congratulations for what??? I can only imagine that it would be written in a very sardonic and condescending way; probably quite sarcastic, because they can’t be serious.
Surely anyone can make oodles off this demographic though. If people pay $54.00 to name a star after someone, they will pay for anything. Living in Maine gives me hope that my new business will be off the ground sooner than expected.
If naming a star seems a little bit too cliché, don’t fret. I’m going to sell snowflakes. Wait, did I say SELL snowflakes? What I meant was that you could NAME a snowflake, you won’t actually get anything other than a piece of paper and a drawing of where this snowflake was found. I plan to undercut the price of the star registry by 60%. That’s right, you can name a snowflake for $21.60. Now that’s a steal!
Do yourself a favor, if your special someone names a star after you this Valentine’s Day, make it your last Valentine’s Day together.