Statistics prove: Dane Cook is not as funny as a snot bubble.

Dane Cook has somehow become a successful comedian. Mostly with college age kids, who drink too much, but successful all the same. I don’t really want to bash him for being a moron, since he was probably born that way. I would like to, however, bash him for being a loud, arrogant moron. I don’t understand what draws people to him. His formula for jokes is simple. Random subject + Obnoxious voice + F-word = Laughter (Which I think is how the acronym “ROFL” was formed….but I’m not certain.) Dane Cook has figured out that if it doesn’t equal laughter you must repeat formula until it does, eventually someone will get so bored they will laugh, and then they will tell their friends to laugh too.

In my effort to find the reason why people think he’s funny, I did what any good researcher would do; go to his website. When I arrived at his website, I saw no signs of him actually being a comedian. I heard a song in the background, but it didn’t appear to have any jokes in it, so I continued my search. After about 10 min of unsuccessfully finding a joke (or even something that resembled one) I thought to myself “Well, maybe I was mistaken, maybe he isn’t a comedian afterall. This would explain why he’s not funny. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this.” Then I saw the link to his Myspace page, which is listed under “Comedy”.

I figured I must be in the right place. The song that was playing when I first arrived had now turned into a “DANEcast” which was just updates about upcoming things, and still without any sort of humor. I decided that it would be easy to prove that Dane Cook is not funny because Dane Cook is a comedian with no jokes.

Is Dane Cook Funny?

Which of these three photos did you not instantly laugh at? That’s what I thought.

Snot bubbles are obviously funnier than Dane Cook.

Snot bubbles have and will always be… funny. Dane Cook has and will always be… the opposite. I can prove it with statistics below.

Snot bubbles are really funny, but they get less funny with age. The older the person with the snot bubble is, the less funny it is. See below:

I think it would be safe to conclude that a person listening to Dane Cook is as funny as Dane Cook telling jokes, when that person is blowing a snot bubble. Since no one below the age of 15 and no one above the age of 40 listen to Dane Cook, you will see that this is true according to the graph above. Try it out. Do you or someone you know listen to Dane Cook? Look up their age on the graph above and see how funny Dane Cook really is.

I would also like to mention that Dane Cook, who we’ve already proven to be completely and totally unfunny, made about $9 million last year. This is all money wasted. Snot bubbles are not only funnier than Dane Cook, they are also more cost efficient. See graph below:

In conclusion, Dane Cook is a moron, who makes lots of money undeservingly, because he’s comedian who isn’t funny. And snot bubbles continue to get the raw end of the deal.Links to pictures I stole:
http://flickr.com/photos/njhdiver/329509049/
http://flickr.com/photos/michael_m/56454068/

Post-Thanksgiving Post

Thoughts regarding Thanksgiving:

Thanksgiving seems to be the time of year that we all give thanks for the things that we spend most of the year complaining about.

Give thanks. Do atheists celebrate Thanksgiving? They better not. I’m sick and tired of atheists acting like they’re so sophisticated and advanced. Their too good for religion all year until the religious holiday season rolls around. Then they take part as if they are sneaking under the radar.
“I didn’t know you were the religious type.”
“Uh… well… I like food and gifts.”
“Oh………………ok.”
They should make a movie called Holiday Crashers where a couple atheists go take part in religious holidays.
Of course that would be boring because half of the country does that.
I wish atheists believed in something so they could have a holiday that I could crash.

Oh yeah, and I swear if I hear any more people discount the legitimacy of Thanksgiving because of the white’s kicking the Indians (Sitting bull Indians, not Dell support Indians) off their land, I’m going to distribute viruses accordingly.
That’s just stupid, the first thanksgiving was about giving thanks (to God) for the harvest that the natives helped plant.

I don’t understand the Native thing anyway. Every Country in the world was taken over by somebody and I think we’re the only people who give the losers free college.

This is dumb, I’m sick of typing about this.

Anorexia Proves Pacifism Wrong.

Pacifism is one of the greatest and one of the worst ideas in all of history.
It’s one of the greatest ideas because world peace is something we all would love to have. Every superficial, blonde beauty queen ever to walk the earth would tell you that. (It doesn’t take a brain surgeon.) No violence about race, religion, politics, domestic disputes, etc. would just be plain nice. Our newscast would be about as long a commercial. We could cut down our 5 o’clock news down to about 4 min. We could just watch the news during the break of our favorite sitcom. I’d rather just watch the sports, weather and a story on the world’s biggest cookie anyway, than see war and shootings every day.
Pacifism is also one of the worst ideas in all of history. Let me set something straight first, when I talk about pacifism, I am talking of the strictest kind. Strict pacifism opposes the use of any kind of force under any circumstances. I am not talking about a person who decides that one fight or one war is not worth fighting, because sometimes those come about and it’s our right to agree or not agree with something that important. I would also say that we should choose our fights and battles very carefully because where there’s violence, lives are changed.
The problem with pacifism is that it’s not only idealistic, it’s naïve. When one becomes a pacifist, he has the idea that “If everyone just did what I am doing, there would be no wars.”, which is true, but not logical. The only way pacifism works is if everyone does it. If some people decide to be violent they end up looting, raping and murdering all of the pacifists, because they can’t defend themselves. There’s nothing they can do. If pacifism only works if everyone does it, then it won’t work, and if it doesn’t work, than it’s stupid to practice it. There is not one voluntary thing that we humans do, that everybody does (or everybody doesn’t do). Anorexia proves it. If we can’t get everyone in the world to eat, something that’s pleasurable and fulfilling to most people, something that we instinctively do to survive, than how can we possibly get everyone to be peaceful, which is something that is often against our human instincts?

** A NEW CHALLENGE ARISES* “There is not one voluntary thing that we humans do, that everybody does (or everybody doesn’t do).” Is there?*