Satire on a Saint

Many people know her as a Saint, as one of the most profoundly generous and loving people in all of history. She’s been awarded many peace prizes and honors for her supposed humanitarian work. (She’s now in the company of people like Ghandi, and …Al Gore.) This doesn’t surprise me though, people have been misinterpreting her “holier than thou” attitude for love and kindness for many years. You can’t tell me she didn’t do it for fame. Every time she walked into the barren streets of a third world country people worshipped her. People gathered at her feet and flocked to see her as I’m sure she made certain all the cameras were watching while she fed a starving child. How can people be so blind? So gullible? I’m going to let you in on a little secret. She’s NOT a Saint (she won’t be for another several years!) and she has been deceiving people on this point for a long time.

She was a part of an organization that has lead to innumerable amounts of death and destruction. (Crusades anyone?) It’s an organization that was made rich by selling licenses to heaven, indubitably pirated from the Man Upstairs. She is a hypocrite and a liar, no one has ever fooled the world into believing such a ridiculous scheme as hers. Her name should bring fear and anger to the hearts of everyone who hears it. Her name is…Mother Theresa.

She’s not what you think. I have taken some quotes from Mother Theresa to explain exactly what I mean:

“Everybody today seems to be…terrible…”
She seems to be a very negative person. Her glass is obviously half empty when it comes to faith in humanity. She seems to think that she is somehow better than everyone else, because she does some charity work.

“Be faithful…in…your…lies.”
What does this teach our children?

“I do not pray…”
She’s a hypocrite. She’s telling us in one breath that she’s an overly pious Christian and then the next breath, she doesn’t pray.

“in…children … begins the disruption of peace of the world.”
This is what happens when you teach children lessons like “being faithful in your lies”, Mother Theresa. (By the way, you can’t be a Nun and a Mother at the same time!…… So deceiving.)

“…decide that a child must die…”
This is just disturbing.

“I am a little pencil…”
What?! She’s obviously insane.. or strung out on drugs. Rumor has it she was a drug addict.

“I know God … trust me…”
That’s a cocky statement if I ever read one.

“No, I wouldn’t touch a leper for a thousand pounds…”
That’s what I thought.

“If we want … to be heard…we have to keep …oil…”
She often got her hands dirty in politics. I heard she drove a Hummer.

Conclusion:
This article is completely fact-based. I quoted her from real quotes and everything I said is either fact or personal opinion.
But barely anything I said was true.
We see everyday the advertisements and articles written from a certain slant about public figures; we see it so often now about presidential candidates.
I used many of the techniques that biased writers use all the time. I took quotes completely out of context, I said things like. “Rumor has it”, just to enter the idea into your head, no matter how ridiculous it could seem from a rational point of view. I also gave many “feely opinions” and used pessimistic diction to set the tone of the whole thing. I’d just like to prove that no matter how many “facts” are in something, it doesn’t mean it’s truth. Everyone writes for their own agenda. Anyone can be made to look like a hero or a criminal. Even Mother Theresa, who is probably one of the most beautifully, altruistic human beings to ever walk the planet, can be made to look like scum of the earth.
God Bless You, Mother Theresa.