26
Statistics prove: Dane Cook is not as funny as a snot bubble.
Written by-Zach- Dane Cook has somehow become a successful comedian. Mostly with college age kids, who drink too much, but successful all the same. I don’t really want to bash him for being a moron, since he was probably born that way. I would like to, however, bash him for being a loud, arrogant moron. I don’t understand what draws people to him. His formula for jokes is simple. Random subject + Obnoxious voice + F-word = Laughter (Which I think is how the acronym “ROFL” was formed….but I’m not certain.) Dane Cook has figured out that if it doesn’t equal laughter you must repeat formula until it does, eventually someone will get so bored they will laugh, and then they will tell their friends to laugh too.
In my effort to find the reason why people think he’s funny, I did what any good researcher would do; go to his website. When I arrived at his website, I saw no signs of him actually being a comedian. I heard a song in the background, but it didn’t appear to have any jokes in it, so I continued my search. After about 10 min of unsuccessfully finding a joke (or even something that resembled one) I thought to myself “Well, maybe I was mistaken, maybe he isn’t a comedian afterall. This would explain why he’s not funny. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this.” Then I saw the link to his Myspace page, which is listed under “Comedy”.
I figured I must be in the right place. The song that was playing when I first arrived had now turned into a “DANEcast” which was just updates about upcoming things, and still without any sort of humor. I decided that it would be easy to prove that Dane Cook is not funny because Dane Cook is a comedian with no jokes.
Is Dane Cook Funny?
Which of these three photos did you not instantly laugh at? That’s what I thought.
Snot bubbles are obviously funnier than Dane Cook.
Snot bubbles have and will always be… funny. Dane Cook has and will always be… the opposite. I can prove it with statistics below.
Snot bubbles are really funny, but they get less funny with age. The older the person with the snot bubble is, the less funny it is. See below:
I think it would be safe to conclude that a person listening to Dane Cook is as funny as Dane Cook telling jokes, when that person is blowing a snot bubble. Since no one below the age of 15 and no one above the age of 40 listen to Dane Cook, you will see that this is true according to the graph above. Try it out. Do you or someone you know listen to Dane Cook? Look up their age on the graph above and see how funny Dane Cook really is.
I would also like to mention that Dane Cook, who we’ve already proven to be completely and totally unfunny, made about $9 million last year. This is all money wasted. Snot bubbles are not only funnier than Dane Cook, they are also more cost efficient. See graph below:
In conclusion, Dane Cook is a moron, who makes lots of money undeservingly, because he’s comedian who isn’t funny. And snot bubbles continue to get the raw end of the deal.Links to pictures I stole:
http://flickr.com/photos/njhdiver/329509049/
http://flickr.com/photos/michael_m/56454068/
You are a f**king idiot! I suspect that you have about as much of a life as a doorknob with about the same personality. How about find something better to do with your time than randomly searching out comedians and trying to “prove” that they aren’t funny? Dane Cook is the very definition of funny. He make jokes about things that people can relate to and therefore, people find funny. I think I’m going to do my own study. It’s going to be about people who think Dane Cook is funny vs. people who don’t think Dane Cook is funny. I propose that my conclusion will be that people who don’t think Dane is funny will be f**king losers. Yeah. And I’ll do a chart to show my conclusions, just like you did. Oh wait, I have a life….
The very fact that you spent the time to write that out instead of just disregarding it, proves to me that you are just the opposite of what you have said.
You actually don’t have a life.
Can’t you find something better to do with your time than reading my articles?
Yeah…. I’m gonna have to roll with Zach on that one. You’re just like the people on youtube who waste half an hour writing diatribes slamming videos when they could’ve just gone to a different video. One with Dane Cook on it, maybe.
Add A Comment